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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in xajwtumbuschx's LiveJournal:

Sunday, August 6th, 2006
6:30 pm
fuck everything i'm going home!!!
i am home from my amazing trip out west. Lots of crazy times, skateboarding, and shows. I miss all my friends already. Part of me is glad to be home but a bigger part of me wants to be back on the road. We leave for chicago on august 12th and for philly on august 17th. I am so stoked for that shit! I am so bummed my best friend and brother is leaving for Seattle on september 9th. It is really hard being far from the ones you love so much. First patrick, now mark. I know it's a part of life, but fuck. I am gonna save my ass off and prob move sometime soon. Who knows where? or when? lots of factors...... I am stoked though on how amazing my summer has been so far.

Current Mood: excited
Friday, July 28th, 2006
3:08 am
On the road
status climbers, backstabbers, hypocrites, no good fucks, face the facts in the end you'll lose.

still on this road trip..... I am in california staying with dan and sara. tomorrow we leave for sound and fury fest. so stoked.
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
2:16 am
Methed out Mexi's and Fine asses
Is how shit has been going down!!! Lots of insane and hilarious shit has happened already on our trip and we are fresh into it. Seattle rules so hard and so does everything right now!!!!
Friday, June 30th, 2006
6:53 am
3rd day in chi-town
Still having a blast. Yesterday was amazing!!! Dtn, Ey, Haunted life was amazing...sinking ships was decent too. Ed cooked us barbeque tofu yesterday and it was the shit. This dude and his roomates rule. Chicago rules hard and the scene here is just amazing. We went to the skatepark on lakeshore drive and it was real fun. Tonight we are going to see mind eraser. Tomorrow morning we leave for Seattle and though i will be a little bummed, cause i love all my friends here, i am still stoked.

I have decided to write a sort of journal, not here on Lj but in a notebook. Mainly about my political frustrations and outlook on life, and also about my trip. Who knows maybe i will write a book. I just know i have a shit ton of stuff to write about and i like to put my ideas and beliefs on paper because sometimes they are complex thoughts, ideas, and beleifs that lead to more ideas and more issues and more stuff.
Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
10:58 pm
Laurel called the cops on me for harrasment when she has been the one calling me. She added her new BF might want to put a fist in my face at philly fest. LOL this is hilarious to me...... if that fag is stupid enough to start a fight at that fest, he will have some problems on his hands. So this cop calls me and is like yea she says your harrasing and threatening when she threatened to have her lame boy toy start shit!!! I laughed and told the cop i am on my way to seattle.... he said just don't call her which is easy enough before anything happened.

But besides that hilarious childish bullshit....... I am at Ed's apartment in Chicago and his hospitality is amazing. His roomates are tight dudes as well. Tonight the few and the proud and left hand path were amazing. The venue was real fucking lame and pocketed the money and didnt give shit to the touring bands. The show was in a fucking barn! Not to mention there were stripper poles in the middle of the place. Tomorrow is EY DTN sinking ships and Haunted life and i am way stoked. we are going to go to some tight joints to eat tomorrow and possibly to a skatepark. so stoked. Having so much fun!!!!
PEACE and Love to all
Saturday, June 24th, 2006
11:37 am
oh yea
I can't wait to leave. Wednesday is the day i leave for the longest road trip of my life out to the west coast. Lots of skating and shows, scenery, good eating, lifting, cute girls, beaches, this will be a time to remember!!!!!!

I hope you fuck yourself again!!! They won't be as patient as me, they won't put up with your crazy ways, they will never love you like i did....... you blew it!!!
Sunday, June 18th, 2006
12:58 am
Girl Friends
I miss having a girl friend. I miss having a best friend of the opposite sex. I miss having an amazing relationship. But i deserve someone so perfect and amazing. Who knows when i will find that person but it will have to be just right. I know there is a beautiful, smart, perfect, sweet girl out there that deserves having someone as good as me.
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
2:57 pm
Working Out, Skateboarding, Leaving for the longest road trip of my life!!!
So i got a gym membership at the YMCA and i love it. On my day off yesterday i worked out with Justin, ate a huge salad, and skated the kokomo park for hours. That is how i want all my off days to be!!! I leave for our road trip on June 28th and i could not be more excited. Prolly gonna top my summers!!!
Lean and mean and lots of protein
Love and Respect
Big up yourself
Booya Kashya

Current Mood: ecstatic
Sunday, June 11th, 2006
12:21 am
I need out of this fucking city
I don't know what the fuck to think? I am so bummed because no one around here seems to be like me or at least i havnt met them. I wish i could connect with someone as a friend or as more, male or female, i have been losing all of the people i love. I mean i will stay in contact like i do with all of my friends scattered all over the earth, but distance is hard. This summer will be amazing, but it will suck when its over and i will come home to a bunch of aquitances......it seems all my best friends are leaving, all my loved ones are either gone physically or mentally!!! I think i will be gone soon as well and i don't think many people around here will give two shits and a fuck. It hurts because i give my all to everyone i meet in indy. But the kids i want to associate with that have common interests are egotistical backstabbers that dont show they care about me or go out of the way when i have been so nice to everyone. They say hi to me at a show and put on a front like they are my friends but have they called me to just see how i am doing or see if i wanna hang. Fuck no they call when they need something, like for me to support one of their bands or shows. I am about to stop coming around "indy hardcore" cause it fucking sucks and as much as i want to keep it alive, the kids here all need to get fucked.......I want to meet new people but where should i go. where the fuck do i go and find a beautiful, sweet girl that doesnt smoke pot, do drugs, or drink. Where the fuck are the people like me. I don't care if i meet people that have nothing at all to do with hardcore i just want to meet some genuine, kind, moral having, open minded, people. Fuck this world are my thoughts for the night. Not the whole world but a lot of it. Not to seem negative but seriously, this world lacks brains. Everyone is running around with their heads up their asses trying to get ahead. I may be taking you up on that offer sooner than later Patrick!!!

And to those who have been there for me and have showed that i mean something to you...i love you and you mean the world to me...a few indy dudes and a lot of out of towners..... that is one thing i love about hardcore is i have met so many amazing people around the world that are like me and it is amazing keeping in touch and knowing that shit is different outside of this town. But yea maybe i just need to try to hang out with different people and not a bunch of assholes cheapening this life i live. I won't ever give up on meeting new people but it is trying. To all my friends all around i love and miss you all and hopefully will see every one of you this summer.

Current Mood: pissed off
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
2:12 am
Girls in general............
are nuts.... all of them.... this girl calls me to go out to dinner.... i tell her i can't cause i am going to hang with some friends.... she drives by my house before i leave and gets mad and tells me i am a liar. LOL and now wants to hang out tomorrow... I am sure there are some beautiful sane ones out there..... Tomorrow i am off work and stoked to go skating in bloomington. I saw the omen and was a bit disappointed. Now i am bout to do some sit ups and go to bed.

Current Mood: excited
Thursday, May 25th, 2006
1:38 pm
Knowledge=Power....Enlightenment=Power....Enlightenment is both spiritual and earthly
I look at the world around me and the way our society is shaped,
it seems so wrong, the world seems to be blind. I am so happy that is can see past the wall that was built in front of me. I don't want to get caught up in this mess. All of our effort and concentration is on all the wrong things. I am so close to enlightenment, oh god i am close. I feel like i know things others don't or at least don't talk about. It is hard to know i am dwelling in a place where i have to question everything, can't trust a thing except what i have been proven. I am so happy right now, I am so aware. I will have to live their way to some extent but i will walk the line. I can't wait for this summer...it will be a time that i will never forget and will look back on as long as i live. I can't wait to start school and learn. I will keep looking straight. I will not be side tracked or coaxed into emptiness. God i want to write a book. Start a movement. Who can regain their sight i wonder??? I will pray. I am not scared but i see we will drown in our ways if the world doesnt get its head out of its ass.

I am so excited for this Sunday, I get to see Patrick and an amazing show. My diet is still going very well. Havnt drank any pop for over a month it is insane. lifting every other day and sit ups galore. I am happy with the way i am shaping. Skating as much as indiana weather will permit.

Current Mood: Words Cannot Describe
Thursday, May 11th, 2006
4:20 pm
Male Modeling........are you fucking serious
hahaha apparently i have a perfect face and i have been made an offer to become a male model. This guy that comes into my work gave me his card and is looking for like 6 people to do a photo shoot. He wants to interview me and was talking about a week shoot were i could make 1000$ a day plus paid food and lodging during the whole shoot. I was like WTF. He is on of our steady customers at blockbuster. So yea i think this whole thing is hilarious and will probably do it. I was told that i should ask some of my "good looking" friends if they would like to be recruited as well.

Current Mood: amused
12:52 am
This diet shit aint to hard
so yea,
it has been about 2 weeks with no pop or junk. I am looking better every day. Lots of lifting and sit ups and stuff. My OCD seems to be really fueling on this whole diet thing. What a great thing to get obsessed about. I cannot wait for saturday tattoos and Best friends all weekend. STOKED!!!


Current Mood: SIKED
Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
9:24 am
When The Bars In My Hand
Yea, I started back lifting for the first time since i got my cast off, and shit went ok. My bone didnt pop out of my skin and that is all that matters. I am really sore from last night and cant wait to get in better shape. I have lost 6 pounds in like 3 days. No longer drinking pop or eating junk, strict diet, and lots of skating and lifting. I am siked i got a lot of energy. I had my first band practice last sunday and it went well. Me and Justin have got a ton of ideas. I feel really creative and full of energy. I am meeting with some IUPUI counselers sometime soon to get my college shit squared away. Next weekend i get my half sleeve worked on. SO stoked for everything.

I've got my highs, I've got my lows,
at least i'm true, I'll never pose,
Your so fake, so far from real,
you got two sides, We know your deal

Current Mood: creative
Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
12:11 am
shit is starting to hit the fan
Oh yea,
so many new lyrics wrote that i am stoked on......getting my half sleeve finished on may 13th....... may 19th i will be going to nashville to see iron boots and bracewar.......outbreak on the 5th.....EY guns up and verse to come.....along with blacklisted and ignite.....hangin out to be done.....lots of skating........ lots of money to make...and i need to do it FAST...work construction with court as soon as my cast comes off on all my off days...... shit is gonna be busy but fun. So yea shit is gonna be getting insane..there is so much fun to be had and so much to do. College is gonna be tight.

Current Mood: in many ways
Thursday, April 20th, 2006
10:37 am
Is amazing right now. Besides paying medical bills shit is goin amazing. I have been skating a bunch and looking into schools. Things have been fun lately. Tomorrow is RJ here in Indy. Tonight is Hoods but they fucking suck. LOL. Yesterday was nuts, my friends tire flew off his car while we were driving to the skatepark. We got it towed and it is fixed already. We still got to go skating we took another car so i guess that is all that matters. Cro Mag was chillin at the skatepark and that dog is a straight woman magnet. We are skating and goin to A few shows this weekend so i am stoked.

Current Mood: tight as shit
Sunday, April 16th, 2006
8:58 pm
i am a monster world!!!!!!!! watch out
Laurel you need to take your LJ entry offline it is no ones business and it is filled with false statements. I have more substance to my life than you do!!! you need to find out what love is. you will never find anyone that loves you more than i did. keep making yourself feel better about things with mean and false statements. Quit fucking posting stuff online like this cause you are only adding to the drama and your problems. this is between me and you and no one else, so quit trying to get the world to join your online pity party, and talk to me cause you know i am understanding and very nice to you!!! Beware online world............i am a fucking monster and i have no substance to my life although i have expirienced more things than most, i am going to college for psychology and religious and cultural studies, and i am studying to understand actions due to brain imbalances. I gave my ex girlfriend everything that any girl could ever want. But i only care about hardcore, nothing else. I am ignorant and close minded.

Current Mood: tight as fuck
Friday, April 14th, 2006
10:28 am
I am feelin pretty good today.
So far nothings gotten in my way. I am excited today. I get to see Ryan, and hopefully tyler and casey. Me and mark are goin to cinci today to skate at all my old spots. Ryan is actually gettin a new board and starting back up. I have to get my medical records from my old doc in cinci Saturday morning. I scheduled my half sleeve to get finished with Seth. I am so excited. I am getting it worked on May 13th in Columbus and staying with Patrick and Becky. Last night me Justin and Teve talked about our new band we are starting. I am so fucking excited for this i have all kinds of ideas and shit bottled up. I am looking so foward to starting college. I am working on deciding where to go and stuff. I can't wait to go back and learn new shit. I still miss Laurel and i Love her, but i am just fine. It is her mistake and she will realize in later relationships that she fucked up. My friends have really boosted my morale through this whole thing. I love all my friends so much. It is so hard for me to understand this world. When you give and give and give and people turn around a drop you like a bad habit. Honestly who can do that. Love is forever. I dedicated myself to this girl and treated her like gold, she dedicated herself to me and broke. I am the one that stayed true. But i feel fine cause it is her loss. I am a person of commitment to everything in life, and who ever turns on me it is their loss. I put my heart into everything. It makes me sad that this world has people that can do such heartless and cold things. And i am not only talking about Laurel's mistake. When i gave Laurel a second chance she was so happy and i thought in my heart it was the right thing to do. She apologized for what she did the first time and said it was a mistake. I was gonna give her so much, make her so happy, because i loved her. She is just a young and confused. Anyways, there is some amazing shit coming up in my life to get stoked on. My band is gonna be amazing, school is gonna be so fun, there are tattoos to get, and frontside grinds to be had. I am meeting new people and expiriencing new and exciting things. I am goin out of my way to do some shit i have never done.

some serious lyrics, Not Directed Towards Anyone!!!

fuck you, for making me feel this way. its not my fault, a lack of vision is to blame. all the friends all the love held in vain. your mistake is your mistake, wont make it mine. Promises I Keep, not for you, not for them, just for me. all the friends, all the love, i guess doesnt mean shit, when push comes to shove. sick of it, every time, every day. another way of killing what you once were and what i'm still proud to be. time will show what was said, was it real or was it just to get by? words are just words without heart. one chance is one to much, honor isn't cheap, and trust comes tough. threw away, threw everything away. nothing left for you.

I am so stoked for all the new shit coming up. i dont care if it sounds conceited, but anyone i let be a part of my life in any way shape or form is lucky!!!
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